I feel like I'm just stuck in time. Not going anywhere. Nothing has changed. Nothing is going to change. This feeling sucks like you wouldn't believe, even though I'm sure everyone has felt it before. I just wish something, anything, positive would happen. Whether it be with school, family, love (that last one seems hopeless)...anything. I just need something to remind me that this is what life is supposed to be for me right now and keep me going. I have little motivation to do anything that could possibly be considered important for me right now, because I feel like it won't affect anything anyways. Who knows, maybe this is why God decided to intervene in my life right now. I know he's got something planned out. I wish I knew what it was, but I guess I have to take it day by day (Godspell rules). lol.
I was also thinking about how... crazy everyone is about objects. lol, that sounds stupid. But really, everyone's lives seem to revolve around the newest technology, or the nicest homes, how much his clothes cost, how much her jewelry was. It's not important. Life is about the beauty and the appreciation of it all, of everything we were blessed with. It's about respecting the amazing things that we have and the awesome abilities we were granted. I don't know, I guess the best way to sum up how I'm feeling is with a quote from American Beauty... and as Lester Burnham says,
"This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts."
I was hit with a wave of inspiration to write that, and now I've just drawn a blank. I guess that means it's time for me to talk about my day, haha. You lucky readers.
Well let's see. I didn't end up going to sleep until about 7:30 am or so last night. I'm a night owl. =/ haha. I tried to go to sleep around 5:45 am or so, but just ended up laying there thinking about things. But yeah, I ended up waking around 2:00 pm. I dreamt that I decided to go to band camp, and then that I completely regretted that choice. lol. Thennn... well let's fast-forward to, like, way later. I got an application at the movie theater. Then I rented The Stepford Wives, Mallrats, Grosse Point Blank, The Mexican, and Dear Frankie. yadda yadda yadda now I'm here.
Haha, Steve and I are talking about what we were afraid of when we were little. It's kind of weird, because now I welcome my fears and I fear what I used to love. For instance, I was sooo afraid of the dark and silence when I was little. Really, those were the only things that scared me. But now.. it's relaxing. Well, I'm still kind of ehhh about the silence, but I like dark. I love the dark. Maybe not dark and silence at the same time, that makes me feel really uncomfortable. hahaha. But yeah. And when I was little, haha, I used to always watch "Shark Week!" on, like the Discovery channel. And now.. Blah, I'm terrified of the ocean. well, of sharks. Darn my parents for allowing me to watch that!
Well, it's 4:00 am.. And I haven't even watched 1 of these movies yet. I think I'm going to watch The Mexican. I sure do love Brad Pitt! Bye =)
*edit* - I love these lyrics.. I feel like the apply to me really well right now. (minus the whole "I'll get out of California" haha. Just scratch that, and make it KY) I just need something new.
She said I think I'll go to Boston
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer,
some snow would be nice,
Boston, where no one knows my name.
posted by Hannah @ 9:02 PM
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