I'm not entirely positive what possessed me to dig up my past tonight. I say "possessed," because as I read through my old entries.. I realized how miserable of a kid I really was. I thought at the time that I was unhappy and unarguably alone. I understand now that I was simply immature and painfully obnoxious. But what can I say? I was struggling with the angstiest of teenage angst. My closest, and almost only, friend had moved 2,000 miles across the country. I felt totally abandoned, and I can't believe I let that stop me from pursuing so many opportunities. I am not regretful of my past, but I would like to know how things would've been had I taken another route. Though I seem to think everything could've been different if I'd had a different attitude, I am sad to say I know deep down it wasn't entirely up to me. I think a lot of things would still be the same. I'd lose and gain the same friends. I'd probably still be in the same position I am now... well, except for the whole, "Man, I sounded like a moron," thing when I went back and read these posts.
Goodness.. I really was just a kid. I could've sworn I had the entire world figured out. I even thought I knew what love was and that I'd experienced it. Haha, that's a laugh. Now I'm not even sure love exists. Is it just an illusion people convince themselves is real to drown out everything else? Just to say, "Well, at least I have you by my side.. and that's all I need."
Really? C'mon. It's a romantic idea, but is it realistic? I couldn't say. Though I've grown up a lot, I'm still a bit of a pessimist. I'd like to believe it exists, but it's so hard when you've been let down.
Let's get on to the things that matter.
College!:
Yessir. I'm offically a college kid. I'm going to be a whopping sophomore at Western KY University this year. I'm fairly sure I'm going to dive into Religious Studies for a major. And yes, there are specific people to thank for that, and I'm sure they know who they are. I'm undeclared as of now, but it's one of my top choices. If not religious studies, I know I will most definitely minor in it. Other major options are history and anthropology. Who ever imagined Hannah as a history major? haha. When I first started this blog, I would've rather beaten my grandmother with a dead rat than claim a history major. Crazy.
This semester I am getting a house with my friend, Jack. He's an amazing person.. so genuine and sweet. We're looking at a 4 bedroom house with a full kitchen and full living room! It's super cheap, too! $450/month. I haven't gotten to look at it yet, but I'm gonna jump to conclusions and say it's a total wreck. The landlord says it's a little dirty, but he's replacing the carpets and painting the walls for us. So it looks like we're just gonna have to suck it up and get ready to put some elbow grease into this thing. Whatevs. I'm sure Jack and I can turn it into a bangin' bachelor pad in no time. I have faith in us! =)
Well, Bloggy McBloggerson. Reuniting with you tonight was a beautiful thing. It's kind of silly of me to write in here, though, isn't it? A public blog exists so that your friends can keep up with you, right? Or something? Funny.. I don't think any of mine are on blogspot anymore.
Oh well. If anyone actually does end up reading this, for some reason.. feel free to post a comment and let me know you exist and that you're a total creeper.
(Imagine me holding a walkie talkie when I say this.. it'll really add to the effect and prove I'm cool. No, seriously. Just do it.)
Over and out.
-Hannah
posted by Hannah @ 3:05 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home